


Breathe Again

by orphan_account



Category: LM.C
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-19
Updated: 2014-03-19
Packaged: 2018-01-16 08:47:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1339321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Life had lost all it’s colour recently, and he had no idea why.</p><p>Warnings: self harm, depression</p>
            </blockquote>





	Breathe Again

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own Maya or Aiji nor do i made any monetary profit from writing this (only emotional profit). I also do not encourage self-harm. I DO encourage people suffering with depression alone to at least talk with someone they trust about it.
> 
> A/N: I originally planned to never share this as I started writing it as a form of coping when I was extremely depressed. I know the themes in this can be quite triggering for some people, including myself and I apologise in advance for that. I just want to get back into writing and this is the closest thin to ‘done’ that I have.

It’s late. Much too late for him to even be awake. But he doesn’t want to sleep either, he’s not quite sure why. He sits, wedged onto the desk that sits in a little window alcove. He’d originally intended it to be where he worked on songs, but over time pillows and blankets had accumulated on it’s surface, and he always ended up curled on the makeshift window seat.

It was cold. His breath fogged up the glass with condensation as he rest his head against it, staring listlessly out of the window. Everything was grey. There was something wrong. Something was so very, very wrong. Not with the world, but with himself. But he couldn’t put his finger on it. Life had lost all it’s colour recently, and he had no idea why.

Usually his world was so full of colour. Every moment of every day looked almost psychedelic in the brightness of the colours he saw. But now, it was different. It was one of those rare times in his life where nothing made sense, he lost all ability to function normally for no reason at all. In hindsight it was probably because he so very rarely felt negative emotions that when he did he ignored them, and it all built up. But right now his mind simply couldn’t process that reasoning.

There was this painful, suffocating feeling of holding too much emotion but feeling ever so hollow all at once. He just couldn’t understand it. All he could do was search for some kind of relief from it. He didn’t cry. His tears had dried up hours ago. There was nothing left in him to give to the act of crying. So he turned to the only other thing that had ever helped. He hurt himself. Over and, over. Carving red lines into the pale skin of his thighs, usually covered in perfect, soft, unmarred skin. Somewhere that was easily hidden.

The constant sting of the open wounds, the edges chafing against the fabric of his boxers, and the sensation of the little droplets of blood rolling across his skin reminded him that he was indeed still alive, and hadn’t somehow died in his sleep without noticing. Only to come back as a ghost and haunt his own apartment.

He hadn’t slept in three days.

There were dark circles under his eyes that belied his less than perfect condition. He was exhausted but no matter how many times he closed his eyes to sleep, that blessed break from reality just wouldn’t come.

He struggled to breathe properly.

The doorbell rang, startling Maya out of his melancholy trance. He quickly scrambled off the table, pulling a blanket around himself as he rushed to the front door, arriving in time to swing it open to reveal Aiji. They stood for a moment, staring at each other. But then Aiji broke the silence, smiling slightly as he held up a white plastic bag.

“Hey, I thought you could use some company. I bought Su… shi.” The shorter man told him, trailing off at the end as he noticed something red dripping onto the wooden floor. He frowned, dropping the bag and forgetting about the food inside, instead grabbing the blanket wrapped around the blonde and pulling it towards him.

“Oh Maya…” he sighed, looking sadly up at the blonde who just turned his head, looking away awkwardly as he tried, and failed to re-hide his mutilated thighs.

Aiji had noticed how the blonde had seemed a little off the past few days when they’d been at the studio. No one else had, but Aiji had known him so long that any change in Maya’s usual happy mood was immediately noticed. But he hadn’t thought it would be this bad.

He quickly made his way into the apartment, closing the door behind himself and gently guiding Maya by the shoulders to the couch and pushing him to sit down. Aiji set the bag of sushi on the coffee table, kneeling in front of Maya to inspect his thighs as the blonde turned his head away, staring at the wall with a melancholy expression.

“Why didn’t you say anything to me?” The older man asked him, sighing as Maya just shrugged, and getting up and moving to the bathroom to fetch the first aide kit, returning to his place knelt between the other’s thighs. He pulled out the disinfectant, cotton buds, and some gauze bandage, carefully tending to the other’s wounds before wrapping them up.

Hesitating for a moment, he looked up at Maya’s face, before leaning down and placing feather light kisses to each of the other’s thighs.

Startled, Maya jumped slightly, looking down at Aiji with wide eyes. Sure the man had been slightly more affectionate with him lately but… He’d never given any indication that there was something more than platonic affection there, despite Maya’s many advances towards him.

He’d gotten so used to Aiji laughing off his attempts to flirt, or ignoring them altogether, that now, faced with the possibility that Aiji could be feeling something other than friendship for him, Maya didn't really know how to respond. So he just turned his head away again.

But those small kisses sparked some life back into him, a little of the suffocating build up of emotion leaking away to leave a small slither of hope. Maya leaned forwards and grabbed the bag of food, opening it to look inside.

“What did you get?” he said, speaking for the first time since the other had arrived, his voice slightly scratchy from lack of use over the past 24 hours, and from being slightly dehydrated.

Aiji gave him a small smile, and got up only to sit beside him, grabbing the remote an flicking the TV on to an channel that played re-runs of anime movies. Currently it was playing Howl’s Moving Castle, which the older man had always liked. Howl reminded him a little of Maya.

“I got your favourite.” he hummed, just as Maya found his own meal, turning to Aiji to give him a small, forced smile. It was better than nothing though, and Aiji slipped an arm around Maya’s waist, carefully pulling him against his side, and pressing a light kiss to the other’s temple. Maya didn’t respond to that for a good few moments but slowly, after a short while, relaxed against the other, resting his head on the older man’s shoulder, his sushi bento resting on his lap.

It felt so good… to be able to rest against Aiji like this, and he found himself drifting off into a light doze without even a thought to the fact he was meant to be sharing dinner with the other man. Aiji just chuckled when he realized what was happening, picking the box up from Maya’s lap and placing it on the table, before shifting them, causing Maya to jerk back to wakefulness.

“Why don’t we eat later and just… rest for now.” The guitarist suggested, moving to rest his back against the arm of the couch, bringing one leg up and placing it behind Maya, holding his arms out in invitation for the younger man to lay against him, which he quickly did.

Maya draped the previously almost forgotten blanket over them, resting against Aiji’s chest and burying his face into the other’s neck. Before long it became apparent that Maya was shaking slightly, small hitches of his breath indicating that he was crying. Aiji bit his lip, not really sure how to comfort the other, so he just tightened his hold on the blonde slightly with one arm, bringing the other up and stroking through the vocalists soft hair.

Aiji didn't know how long they lay there, but gradually Maya stopped shaking, his breathing evening out into slow, shallow breaths that indicated he’d fallen asleep, and Aiji was glad. He knew the other hadn't slept in days. He finally closed his own eyes, thinking that from now things would certainly be different between them, now that he’d made his affections for the other known, but he failed to see how it would be a bad thing. He just hoped he’d be able to help the other before he ended up like this again.


End file.
